#Personal
This is it. I have resigned to the fact that research is not the happiest place for me. I’ve worked more than a year in this field, beginning as a novice, and ending up competent as a research assistant (I believe so).
I remember during my first interview for this job I was asked if this was really what I wanted. I was made aware in the beginning that it would be an office job, except for the field work part, and that service contributed to the society would be indirect. I could still recall how I looked like when I said and how I said that yes, this is what I’ve always wanted.
When I first started, a great deal of excitement and anticipation built up right away, perhaps because I was sent to field work to supervise during my first month. After which, I was made part of a writeshop outside the office. I hung out with my bosses, I was in a team of researchers, processed first hand documents and data. Fun was an understatement. Everything was hectic, one paper work after the other, good work was noticed, opportunity to learn was provided. Assistance was extended by my boss, and my co-workers, who now became my really good friends. Following that, I acquired knowledge in research that I never learned in school or even in graduate school. I was challenged by the work environment, and the work itself, not to mention the people around me. Everything was going really great - until.
Until I don’t know the reason really. haha. I mean, I won a flat tv during our Christmas Party (LOL I don’t know why I’m even mentioning that as a reason), we celebrated every holiday at the office. I met Dr. Juan Flavier’s son, who then gave me a book from the former senator/DOH sec. with dedication to me. I met former DOH sec. Cabral, and other personalities I knew I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet if not for this work.
I don’t know really. I guess the excitement and fun went down when the people I’m close to started to leave. They had their own personal reasons for leaving, some were asked to, some left on their own account. And I just stayed there. I stayed there. I was stuck. I wasn’t able to focus on my thesis because I had poor time management skills, if ever I had those. I believe one major part why I began loathing work is that it is not really focused on health, which is really my field. There was not much research on diseases, health management, and the like. I felt kind of lost, and alone.
Research is just not the field for me. I don’t think I’ll be happy pursuing it, and creating myself in it. I love writing, I love reading - reading about the latest articles, about the possibility of dengue vaccination availability in 2014, the comorbidities in COPD. Perhaps this field where I am working now is just not for me. Well it actually isn’t really!
I’ve learned a lot from this job, I mean it, like seriously. Before coming in, I had nil idea on how to use the SPSS, how to generate data and tables. One thing I will always be grateful for is the opportunity to generate data for the analysis of this particular study on HIV that’s been now published. I’m truly grateful for that opportunity and for every opportunity.
However, I have to create my own now and go after what I miss - what I believe will make full use of my potential and what I believe will make me play a more active role in the society.
